unique obsession

i only stick with you 
because there are no others

i press my nails, covered in glue, to the thin, watery lines which embrace your body as the sun is drowning in the eye of a lake.

the glue never dries and you're never going anywhere. but you surely move a lot, making it impossible for me to test the likelihood of my craving.

as i hope for the liquid to petrify and take me forever to the land where we shouldn't be apart, the night cedes once more, and the alarm clock is ringing shameless. the first cigarette of the day is staring with contempt straight into my eyes. my fingers hurt and near some petty stains, my bedsheet seems to have been shred by ten little angry rats.

and it's gone. the night, your imperfections, the lust with anger clothing, my anguish and my struggle crushed underneath your smile... it's just me and the restless caffeine trying to send into exile the lingering alcohol in my blood.

i'm good. and i'm probably wrong.

but i'm getting better as the clock ticks away those 20 minutes in the morning that help me understand that i'm still human.

actually, i'm quite well. i've got things to do. i do remember that a shower seemed appealing at a certain moment and my blue dress should hide all the mistakes my body made while growing up.

i step into the bathtub. as the water pours on me, i glance at the perfumed liquid that creeps between my fingers, alike your extension that slinked away from my skin and ended up drying on my bedsheets... alike a part of you - slipping vaguely from my reach.

but i'm fine in a way only you could understand. you're fine. one day we'll stop peeking at each other behind doors. we'll find out there is no use.

there is no "somebody", that's what your hands whispered to me before i fell asleep.

there is none. there's only one. there's no other one.

i gaze at my wrapped body in the hallway mirror and i visualize the rapture my blue dress hides underneath it's fabric.

"only you could see it too" - i say to myself as i insert the car key into the ignition, remembering more than it's proper about last night.

as the engine runs getting me closer to my dull responsabilities, lustful detailes stubbornly tangle my thoughts.

before i know it, the shades of grey converge into the deepest black.

i think... i would like to meet another one. i'd like to do that while trying to glue my hands to your slippery skin again... and again... and...

Gramajoara, by absenceofone

Nu. Nu din nou. Nu te-ai pisat inca o data pe mine. Alta gramajoara alaturi de celelalte. Si uite asa se construiste un camp plin cu gramajoare de cartite. Cartite care sapa si sapa si tot sapa pana nu dau de apa. Se mai poticnesc si ele din cand in cand, dar sapa in mod constant.

Doamne, cat as scrie acuma sa dau tot afara de mine. De ce nu putem sa vomitam cand vrem? Societatea nu-ti permite asta si-ti condamna gestul ca pe ceva nedorit, inoportun. Iar eu as vrea sa ma spal, sa dau toata mizeria jos si afara, prelingandu-se pe trupu-mi tanar. Un roman-fluviu as scrie. Ca la bac. Cu mii de ganduri si dorinte neimplinite amestecate cu liste infinite fara rost.

Cuvintele se incalcesc in mine si nu ma lasa sa ma exprim verbal. Ma strang tare ca intr-o plasa de paienjeni. Si daca vorbesc, tu nu-mi zici sa tac. Ma faci sa tac. Atat de trista aceasta risipa de energie si de pierdere de vlaga si de zambet...

Mie inainte imi placeau zambetele si soarele. Ma bucuram cand vedeam copiii pe strada. Si zambeam la copii. Se pare ca toate muierile fac asemenea. Deci nu-mi pot afirma unicitatea in fata nimanui. Sunt doar o EA. Dar inainte zambeam si asta ma nedumereste pe mine. Unde-mi este zambetul si toate culorile din jurul meu pe care odata le percepeam? Sunt colorblind, asa cum zice cantecul. Tu, pune de-o cafea si fa-mi un ou tare, tare, imi este de ajuns. Sunt satula.

Incearca tu sa scrii cand ti-e inima plina. Vrei doar sa te zbenghui si sa fii acolo. Halal mersul pe dealuri. Urci si cobori, apoi iara urci si cobori. Si mai si vrei sa pleci intre timp. Nimeni nu-mi va putea stinge setea de plecat, de “du-ma acolo”, “hai cu mine”, te rog, ma sting, hai sa plecam impreuna. Si tu si ea. Si noi si ei. Hai cu totii departe. Sa o luam de la capat. Si cu timpul si cu locul.

Sa fie o gradina verde si-un leagan de copil intr-o curte de munte departe in tara. Si eu la varsta in care imi permiteam sa nu port sutien si sa ma afisez la bustul gol pe plaja. Refa-mi siguranta aia, solidifica-mi increderea in lume si-n mine. Nu-mi sterge lacrima ce-mi umezeste obrazul si camesa, la un moment dat n-o s-o mai am nici pe aia. Nici stransul din dinti si pumnul strans. Nimic.